Blogging

Why in the world do I love blogging so much? I'm not sure. I'm no good at it, but I still love it anyway. I write in my journal a lot, but since I've started blogging more I don't write nearly as much. Typing is a lot easier than writing. And a lot faster. And neater. And I guess I just like knowing that perhaps someone will read about how I feel and care ;)

I've realized that almost all my posts go something like this:

Horrible day--I miss Matt so much--I'm dying--life is so hard.
But it's OK because I have the gospel and I can get over this someday.
I should be more grateful for the things I have been blessed with.
I'll do better.

And that is all true. But I'm sure that gets boring to read. So I was going to make a goal to stop posting posts like that. But then I realized that it didn't really matter if they were boring, because expressing how I really feel and then being able to write about my testimony is kind of my way of coping with hard days. And so I'm going to keep writing those posts that are ridiculously repetitive and dramatic and quite boring because I need to. I need to keep reminding myself that I will eventually get over this. I will eventually get stronger. I will eventually stop crying almost every day about what has happened and how lonely I still am. I will stop feeling like someone punched me in the stomach every time someone mentions Matt or my wedding when I'm not expecting it. I will grow closer to my Heavenly Father, even when it seems like He has never been so far away. I will eventually feel that peace that I am longing to feel. I will eventually stop feeling jealous when I read about how happy other people are. I really will.

Okay, the end.