Finals=regression (psychologically speaking)

I was going to write a post about peace. It is something I really need to do. But currently I'm not feeling peace, so I would feel somewhat hypocritical if I did. I'll save that one for later, I'm sure it will come back :)

Classes officially ended today. I am so happy! I have 4 finals left during finals week, two remediation assignments to do, and two journal papers to write for my marriage and family class. And it all needs to be done by next Tuesday. Wish me luck!

Sometimes I think that I'm not stressed about something, or that I'm not emotionally hurt, but then I suddenly realize that I was completely wrong. I had a realization episode tonight. I think the stress built up, and suddenly an emotion was released that I didn't even know I had. But it makes sense. I think there were lots of things building up to it, but the straw that broke the camels back had to be about Taylor. Of course. Of all times...

When I broke up with Taylor I cried a whole darn lot that night. And then I was fine for about a week. And then I missed him super bad on Tuesday. And then I was fine for a week. And then I missed him on Monday. And then I was fine for a week, etc. It was strange. I felt like I wasn't really sad about it. I felt like it was the least emotional break up I had ever experienced, which is really weird considering the circumstances.

Well tonight I realized that perhaps I had just been repressing those emotions because I didn't have time to deal with them. I think that is rather likely. And tonight, because of some events, they all came out in big, painful sobs. Totally unexpected. On a drive home. It hurt. I missed him like heck. I felt so bad for hurting him. And mostly I just feel bad that he is upset with me. That hurts the very most. As annoying as the splotchy face and hoarse voice is, I think it was a healthy purging, per se, of those emotions. I hope they're all out and released and given away now. I don't really want them after all.

And ultimately, I'm blaming this episode on the stress of finals.

Heeerrrre we go!

Once there was a wolf by the name of Al. He was a bid bad bugga with a big bad scowl. His uh, stomach was empty and his eyes were wide and he was lookin' for a pig by the name of Clyde...
That's an awesome song.

But I was actually referring to upcoming/current events in my life. Not that song. But I just wanted to write that anyways.

Here are some things that happened recently:

Monday-had a really neat experience that reminded me of how aware Heavenly Father is of me.
Also-I officially started dating Taylor.
Tuesday-I got my pre mission physical.
Also-Taylor and I drove down to Cedar City to see Les Miserables. Can I just say amazing? I don't even have words.
Wednesday-I worked. some. I looked at my books. I couldn't bring myself to buy them. Went to a self-defense class and pretended that I learned how to beat up guys.
Thursday-Got my TB test read. Looked at my schedule and realized that I had tons of reading to do before school. So I bought my books. Ugh. I hate buying books at the bookstore.
Also-We left down to Manti for our Andelin Family Reunion. It was amazing. I had such a neat experience doing baptisms with my cousins while my Grandpa and Grandma and other cousins and uncles did all of the temple workers jobs except one. It was beautiful.
Friday-Still at the reunion. Slept in super late. Ate waaaay too much food. Had fun conversations. Went swimming. Went to the fair. Drove home.
Saturday-Tried to do some reading. Did my worksheet. Showered. Cleaned. Went on a date with Taylor. Helped Sarah shop and then move. Went to bed way too late.
Sunday-Went to two homecomings. Oh I love when friends get back from missions! Saw some of the most amazing people ever and had just a couple minutes to try to catch up with them all.  Spent time with Taylor. Got a father's blessing for school. Can I just say how much I appreciate the priesthood power? I love that I have a father who honors his priesthood, who is worthy, and who is willing to give me blessings whenever I ask for them.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I love ya. Tomorrow.
SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW! I have a 7 am class. But don't worry, it's a flexibility class. I have been trying to get into that class since I started BYU and finally have the chance. I'm just a teensy bit excited. :) Nursing classes are going to kill me. I can't manage 17 and 1/2 credits plus working 20 hrs a week and having clinicals all day Saturday. What am I thinking? Oh well. I will manage. I may have to drop one (or two) classes but that will be okay. As long as I get enough sleep.

So ttfn! Ta ta for now ;)

Just Dance!

Pretty much I decided that I absolutely love dancing.  And guys that know how to dance are so very attractive. Sometimes I wish I would've delayed applying to nursing so I could have pursued some of these other things that I love. Now I only have one more year of school left and I so regret not taking advantage of all the wonderful opportunities at BYU. I think the two biggest regrets in regards to this that I have right now are not doing more dance and not doing more singing. I don't think I could ever be good enough to make it on a ballroom team or to Young Ambassadors, but I wish I would have at least tried. Auditioned. Taken more classes to progress. But the only thing I can do now is to take all the opportunities left. Dance classes every semester until I graduate? Definitely. Singing lessons when I have the money? Yes please :)

The Viennese Waltz is one of my very favorite dances. I don't know it (hopefully someday) but I love watching it. Watch. It's magical ;)

Final Frenzy

The end of the semester is drawing to a close. And as it does my anxieties grow daily stronger. I have a test this morning (my second to last midterm), the choir Easter program I am in charge of on Sunday plus a talk I have to give (I haven't given a talk in church in a looooong time and speaking on Easter intimidates me), a final on Monday, a presentation and my debate on Tuesday, a big assignment due Wednesday, nothing really due Thursday or Friday, 3 finals on Saturday, one on Monday, none on Tuesday, and 2 on Wednesday. And then I am FREE!!!

Sound exciting? I agree.

I thought of this yesterday when I was talking to Sarah about grades, so to all of you worried about how your grades will turn out:

I'm not ready yet!

School starts on Wednesday. Basically that gives me one more day to not have homework. Oh wait, I already do! Don't you love those teachers who assign you homework before the semester has even started? That is basically the epitome of a nursing instructor. I started on one of the assignments and suddenly the dislike came flooding back. I'm not ready to start memorizing medications again! I think I'll do good once I actually start school for reals (or fer rills), but doing homework on what is supposed to be a holiday is quite disheartening. Oh well.

I've learned one medication so far. Indomethicin. Or Indocin (they all have at least 2 names, isn't that the worst?). It's a Non-steroidal antiinflammatory drug (NSAID). It can be used for arthritis and tendonitis and a lot of other things that I forgot right now but most importantly (for this semester) it is used for a patent ductus arteriosis (I'll explain that later) in a premature infant. It can be given PO (Per Os aka by mouth) or IV. It inhibits prostaglandin synthesis by decreasing a needed enzyme. And it's contraindicated in pregnant women in their third trimester. And in anyone who has a hx (history) of GI (gastrointestinal) bleeding, ulcers, or NSAID allergy. Ok, that's basically all I've learned so far. I'd better keep working.

Oh, btw, I'm moving out! Wahoo! With Sarah :) We're going to live with the best people ever in a super nice apt that's really close to campus for an extremely good price. I'm excited.

Ttfn

And I'm going...

To Provo, Utah!

No, it's not a mission call (that will be next July), it's for my nursing "study-abroad" for next Spring. I will be working with the at-risk population here in Utah. We will be working in the Jail, in the Prison, with the Children's Justice Center, and other places. It will be a really good experience. I'm kind of sad that I'm not going somewhere foreign (like Russia, Finland, Ghana, India, Taiwan, Ecuador, or Tonga) but I feel like this was the one I was supposed to put as my first choice. So it will be good. Definitely an adventure, right?

Once I tried to be gansta...

I took a jazz dance class. And in that class we had a section where we learned hip hop. Man was that hard for me! I love dancing--but ballet/jazz/lyrical styles are what I can do, not hip hop. But our group decided to dress up for our performance. And it was great.

 So I took a few pictures, practicing my gansta face.
But then my true self came out....

 

IV's!

Today I inserted my first IV. Ever. Also, I was injected with my first "IV" (I have had my blood drawn once before...but that doesn't really count). It was awesome! I loved it :) I was so nervous, but luckily I got to be poked first and that took away my nervousness. Brittany consented (again) to by my partner. She was great! I wanted to be able to post pictures of this monumental occasion, but, alas and alack, taking a picture is the last thing I think about when Brittany's blood is squirting all over my gloves.

To help me remember all the things we learned in lab today, I wanted to summarize it on here. It may be quite boring, so don't read on unless it interests you :) Here we go:

IV stands for intravenous. Intravenous therapy is so important as it is the fastest way to get electrolytes, fluids, antibiotics, and other medications into the body. Because of that, it is also very dangerous--once it's in, there is no correcting things, so don't make a mistake! IV's are so important in surgery (being able to replace fluid as blood is being lost), in emergency situations (dehydration, fluid excess, etc.), and having a better way to regulate medications or fluids in the hospital or clinical setting.


When you insert an IV you need to pick a vein that is elastic and healthy. You always see IV's in the forearm, but apparently you're supposed to start as distal (furthest down the limb) as possible. So you start on the hand if they have a healthy vein there. You do this so that if a vein bursts or becomes occluded and you need to move to another you still have options. If you started more proximal (further up on the limb) all the veins below the injection site couldn't be used because the blood flow would already be messed up. SO...today we started on the hand. Here are the steps we learned (I gave them my own numbering and grouped them in that way that made sense to me):

Step 1: Wash hands
Step 2: Introduce yourself to the patient, identify the patient (you know when nurses ask you about a million times to tell them your name and date of birth?), ask about previous IV experience, and explain the procedure.
Step 3: Gather supplies

Step 4: Put tourniquet on the patient to back up blood to find a good spot to stick-once found, mark the spot with either your fingernail or a sterile pen.
Step 5: Remove the tourniquet to allow blood flow again to the limb
Step 6: Clean the area with Chlorhexidine liquid application to kill the bacteria and allow to dry
Step 7: Prep your saline flush, open dressing and gauze
Step 8: Put the tourniquet back on-making sure you don't touch the area you just cleaned
Step 9: Put on gloves
Step 10: remove cap from needle, place thumb to pull skin taut, position your body directly in line with the place you're inserting the needle, put the needle directly on top of the vein, warn the poor soul you're poking, and PUSH.

Here is a depiction of pushing the needle into the vein.

This is the catheter-it shows all the parts that I'm talking about. The cannula is the "hub," the knob is the "safety" to retract the needle, and the blood chamber is where, obviously, you'll see the blood flash.

Screw on the Saline Flush

Once you're in the vein you should see a flash back of blood. When you see that, insert the needle a tiny, tiny bit farther. Then, while still holding everything stable but without touching the skin you've cleaned, advance just the catheter up to the hub. Then, using your non-dominant hand (making sure you still hold on to the catheter with your dominant hand!) remove the tourniquet, apply pressure with your middle finger on the vein just above the catheter (to stop the blood from squirting out all over), stabilize the catheter with your first finger from your same hand--it's kinda a loooong stretch (remember, no touching the skin or it becomes contaminated-only the hub of the catheter), let go with your dominant hand and push the safety to retract the needle, dispose of that in the "sharps" container, grab the saline flush, remove cap with just one hand (make sure you keep it sterile), and screw on to the catheter.

Whew! Can you tell that it's kind of a stressful process? You then flush it with saline to make sure the vein is not occluded, secure it with the dressing, and date, time, and initial on top of the dressing (you have to change the IV every 72 hrs) and from there you can attach whatever it is you need to be putting in the vein.


And there you have an inserted IV! You have to watch the site carefully to make sure the vein or the skin around the insertion site has not been irritated and to make sure the fluid is actually going in to the vein. Watch for redness and swelling to make sure there isn't any clotting or emboli.

And, because we've learned it so SO many times (to make sure we know how critical it is), know that you never NEVER never never  allow anyone to push potassium chloride. It is fatal.

Anyway, I hope that someone learned something about veins and IV's and that this information is better cemented in my brain.

And in case you're wondering-the veins in my hand refused to cooperate, so Brittany had to move up my arm to the AC (antecubital fossa aka the spot right where your arm bends :). Brittany had much better veins in her hand, I just accidentally forgot to put pressure on the vein before I pulled the needle out...and blood went everywhere! I still need to practice a lot, but, surprisingly, it was fun (is that sick?), and I really want to get good at it. You're only allowed 2 tries in the hospital you know.

ttfn, ta ta for now!

School and some thoughts

School is definitely here. One week down, fifteen more to go. It's going to be a rough semester but I'm finally excited for it! :) I think the class I'm most excited for is clinical up at Alta View. My second favorite is public speaking. Kind of random, I know, but it will be so good for me. I'm also taking Pharmacology, Scholarly Inquiry in Nursing, Acute and Chronic Illness, and our Med/Surge Lab.
Speaking of clinical, we had our first day on Friday. 10 whole hrs (including driving time). Fridays will be long but so so good! We are going to be able to spend time in the OR, the ED, the PACU, the ACU, SDS, and Endoscopy Lab (in case you're wondering-the Operating Room, Emergency Department, Post-anesthesia care unit, Acute Care Unit, and Same Day Surgery). It's going to be awesome! I'm so intimidated, but I know that if I work hard enough, study hard enough, and pray hard enough I can learn what I need to know to become a competent nursing student (not nurse yet-just student).

The past two days I have finally felt a little more at peace with what has transpired. That definitely doesn't mean that the pain is not there anymore, it just means that it's much, much, easier to deal with. My Dad shared a beautiful story with me about a little blind girl traveling with her father on a crowded train. She was sitting on her Dad's lap when a friend of her father offered to hold her for a while. The little girl made no protest when moved to this man's (to her, this stranger's) lap. Seeing this, wondering how she was so calm, her Dad asked, "do you know who's holding you?" The little girl replied, "No Daddy, but you do."
I searched for that story and found it quoted in this talk by Elder Marvin J Ashton. He states, "Some might be inclined to say, “What a perfect trust this child had in her father.” Others may say, “What a wonderful example of love.” And still others might say, “What an example of faith.” To me it indicates a beautiful blending of all of these principles, which brought a priceless inner peace to the child. She knew she was safe because she knew her father knew who was holding her. Affection, respect, and care over the years had placed in this little girl’s heart a peace that surpasseth all understanding. She was at peace because she knew and trusted her father."

Later on in the talk he describes peace, "True peace must not be dependent upon conditions or happenings. Peace must stem from an inward contentment built upon trust, faith, and goodwill toward God, fellowmen, and self. It must be constantly nurtured by the individual who is soundly anchored to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Only then can a person realize that the trials and tribulations of daily life are less important than God’s total goodness.

Lasting peace is an eternal personal quest. Peace does come from obedience to the law. Peace comes to those who develop character and trust." 

I love that! When I heard that story of the little girl I began to cry. I realized how little trust and faith I had placed in my Heavenly Father. He knows what is best. I have said that over and over again. And while I believed it then, it has just now made so much more sense to me. He knows me perfectly! I still miss Matt so much, but I have felt that what has happened was for the best--for me and for Matt. I have learned things about myself that I had never fully understood. I have seen how Heavenly Father has worked so intimately in my life to help me make correct choices and do the things He knows are best for me. 

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I am so grateful for the things I am learning now. I want to have that lasting peace, through whatever occurs in my life, and this has helped me learn in a little way how to work toward that.

It's that time of year again!

School has started. And, once again, I am NOT ready for it. At all. In fact, I'm dreading it. I think it will get better once I get more organized and prepared and once I get into the swing of things. I still haven't bought all my books yet-I just can't bring my self to buy the two most expensive ones...

I wish my books were cute and small, like this (By the way, why are schoolbooks and teachers always associated with apples?):

Instead they are big and heavy and intimidating, like this:

My clinical this semester is up in Sandy at Alta View Hospital. It is going to be great :) We're moving on from CNA jobs to things that actual nurses do. In fact, I have my IV simulation lab tonight. IV's. I'm kinda nervous. It will be good though-I think I will love the fulfillment of helping real, live people feel better, helping their bodies heal, and being an emotional support for them.The only way I can do that, though, is if I know the information and skills thoroughly. That is probably the biggest intimidation factor in nursing-knowing that if you skip on studying or assignments you could be jeopardizing the health of someone else (not to mention all the legal issues that go along with that). So, I'm going to study HARD this semester and try to make it my best one yet, so I can have the confidence needed to be a good nurse.

(Today as I have walked across campus I have been hoping against hope that we'll run in to each other. Maybe one of these days...)

The Semester is OVER!!

So, I haven't written on my blog for a long time. You know why? Because school has been super super busy. But guess what? It's over! Until tomorrow. But the nice thing about Spring and Summer terms is that I'm not really going to be a nursing student. Don't get me wrong, I love the nursing program, and I love (most of) the things we study. But it will be nice to be a "normal" college student for 2 terms :)

But, looking back over the semester, there were so many more things I could have learned! And so, to make up for the things that I didn't master, I am going to try to spend a few hours a week reviewing this past semester's material.

Spring term will be super fun. I'm taking Statistics, Church History, Guitar, and Jazz Dance. I'm excited. And so, although this blog contains the word "nurse" in the title, for the next few months it won't really contain posts that are applicable to stated title. Maybe I'll change it for the summer. :)

Shots

On Wednesday I had my first experience giving shots. And, the end result is that I have so much less stress than I did before!

I have been really worried for months that I would not be able to give shots without getting dizzy or faint. All growing up I was fine with needles and blood, but in the past year, the 3 times I have had to draw my own blood for labs, or had to have my blood drawn for a test, I have gotten really light headed and shaky. I wasn't sure if it was because of the blood, the needle, or because I was a wimp and didn't like the pain. But I was worried.
So when I went to class and was able to give three shots with quite long needles to a real live person, without passing out, I was quite excited.

We learned about the parenteral routes (injecting medicine into a tissue) of med administration:

• ID shots or intradermal (into the dermis) are what they give for shots like the TB test, where they need to be able to assess the reaction of your skin to whatever substance they injected into you. 
• IM or intramuscular (into the muscle) are the shots you get for most other things: immunizations, flu shots, strep shots, etc. 
• Next week we'll learn about Sub-Q or subcutaneous (just below the dermis) injections. You use these to administer things like insulin to a diabetic patient. And then next semester we'll learn about IV or intravenous (into the vein) shots.

We gave the ID shot in the forearm. The way to figure out where to give it is to go three fingers down from the elbow joint (on the front or your arm). You insert the medication just below the surface and it creates a little bleb, or white bump on your arm. We did this one first and it was probably the most painful because it basically rips your skin apart in the one little area. We gave the IM injections on the deltoid muscle and the ventrolgluteal muscle.

Poor Brittany gave me all my shots and we realized quickly that I bleed a ton! When I stabbed her she hardly bled at all, but when she poked me I was gushing. The worst/funniest time was when she was getting ready to poke my thigh. I was expecting her to practice once with the needle cap on (like we had both done on the deltoid and I had done on her ventrogluteal) but she didn't need to. So, when I felt the needle I was so startled that I jerked and she had to pull the needle out. It hardly hurt at all, but there was blood everywhere! So, she cleaned it up, got a new needle, and had to do it again. Sorry Brittany!

But it was awesome! Definitely a good experience overall. Thinking back on it I can't believe I was able to push those 1 1/2 inch needles all the way up to their hub into Brittany's muscle, but now I know that I definitely can do it. And I am starting to fee like a real nurse! :)