I was going to write a post about peace. It is something I really need to do. But currently I'm not feeling peace, so I would feel somewhat hypocritical if I did. I'll save that one for later, I'm sure it will come back :)
Classes officially ended today. I am so happy! I have 4 finals left during finals week, two remediation assignments to do, and two journal papers to write for my marriage and family class. And it all needs to be done by next Tuesday. Wish me luck!
Sometimes I think that I'm not stressed about something, or that I'm not emotionally hurt, but then I suddenly realize that I was completely wrong. I had a realization episode tonight. I think the stress built up, and suddenly an emotion was released that I didn't even know I had. But it makes sense. I think there were lots of things building up to it, but the straw that broke the camels back had to be about Taylor. Of course. Of all times...
When I broke up with Taylor I cried a whole darn lot that night. And then I was fine for about a week. And then I missed him super bad on Tuesday. And then I was fine for a week. And then I missed him on Monday. And then I was fine for a week, etc. It was strange. I felt like I wasn't really sad about it. I felt like it was the least emotional break up I had ever experienced, which is really weird considering the circumstances.
Well tonight I realized that perhaps I had just been repressing those emotions because I didn't have time to deal with them. I think that is rather likely. And tonight, because of some events, they all came out in big, painful sobs. Totally unexpected. On a drive home. It hurt. I missed him like heck. I felt so bad for hurting him. And mostly I just feel bad that he is upset with me. That hurts the very most. As annoying as the splotchy face and hoarse voice is, I think it was a healthy purging, per se, of those emotions. I hope they're all out and released and given away now. I don't really want them after all.
And ultimately, I'm blaming this episode on the stress of finals.
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