Constant connundrum.

Tonight I went to see Phantom of the Opera at BYU. I was blown away by the excellent quality of...almost everything. The acting was great, the singing phenomenal, and everything else very well done. It definitely exceeded my expectations on that point.

However, it didn't match my hopes for it being less passionate/sensual/waybeyondsuggestive than the movie was. In fact, it was pretty much the same except the costumes were modest. And that really troubled me.

I went with a good friend of mine and afterwards we talked a little about it. I was disappointed that he seemed fully satisfied-very pleased even-with the play. For some reason it kind of hurts me every time someone I really respect likes something that I don't feel is completely good. This brought up this never ending debate that I have with myself about media, about art.

My whole life I have held myself to a standard in the music I listen to, the books I read, and the movies I watch that basically no one else agrees with. Probably only my mother and maybe my sister Sarah. And probably Rachel. It's been kind of a sore point for a very long time, something I was always extremely conscious of and frustrated about. Why is it okay for all these people, who I respect to various degrees and some who I respect an enormous amount, to watch/listen to/read these things that I feel are inappropriate, that make me uncomfortable, and even occasionally make me sick to my stomach? Am I crazy?

These standards have relaxed over the years as I have gotten older, but usually to my dismay and a small sense of guilt. Have I just become desensitized to violent or immoral things that they have now become okay?

I have tried to come up with requirements for things that I watch, very much influenced by this quote by Granville Klesier:

"Nothing touches the soul but leaves its impress, 

And thus, little by little, we are fashioned into the image of all we have seen, heard, known, and meditated. 

And if we learn to live with all that is the fairest and the best, 

The love of it all will, in the end, become our very lives." 

That quote has drastically influenced my life in so many ways beyond just media. But for media I tried to set a standard somewhere along these lines:

-Can the Holy Ghost remain when I watch/listen to/read this? 

-Does this content influence me to be better? 

-Do I learn important life lessons from this that I can't learn better in other ways? 

This works for me in a lot of things. But it gets hard when it comes to songs that I love, or stories that I get emotionally invested in. And often I don't know if I recognize when the Spirit is present, or when it is driven away by what I do. 

Often questions are brought up in conversation with others that I have a hard time answering. Questions like the following:

If it's an art form, does it have more leeway?

Is it okay to read or hear something described explicitly that is inappropriate that isn't okay to actually watch? A sex scene, for example. How many songs or books describe this quite openly, but would you ever go watch it played out in a movie? Is one worse than the other? If so, why?

Does art bring something to our lives that is worth losing a certain sensitivity? I have thought often of this as I have come to love dance. I used to be very bothered by certain types of dancing, certain movements that I felt were suggestive and inappropriate. But as I came to learn more about dance, I lost a lot of that, and viewed it more as an 'art.' But is that wrong? Is it still inappropriate and I just convinced myself it wasn't because it takes so much talent to be able to move like that?

Can you only learn some things through art forms? I have heard this argument when people are defending R rated movies. "You learn so much about life from it," they argue, "and so it's okay."

When is humor about sexuality appropriate? Is it ever? I can't tell you how many times I have walked into a room where a very well known and oft quoted and much loved TV show is playing to be shocked at the sexual innuendos and humor it contains. Does this damage my spirit? Does it dull my sensitivity to things that are godlike, that are pure and beautiful?

Are some things okay for most people, and not okay for me, because I am more sensitive to it? This one has been often pondered. I know that I am extremely affected by music, books, and movies especially. I live the parts with the characters. I get super into them and they often seem very real to me. Because of this, do I have a different standard that I must choose to live by? 

If missionary standards are there to allow them to better feel and be guided by the Spirit, why aren't we all encouraged to live by those?

Should I just avoid art to be safe? Or is there beautiful art, that is pure and clean and uplifting, outside of all this junk that is what I should see out and try my hardest to avoid all the rest? Entertainment options get pretty slim when you have this picky of a media standards. But is that perfectly fine? Do I just need to be okay with it? 

I'm not sure if I know the answers to all of these. But I do know that God knows. He knows perfectly. And He has given me multiple standards to judge by, I just need to ponder on them more deeply. 

On stands out to me especially tonight as I have been pondering these and other questions:

"Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; 

then shall they confidence wax strong in the presence of God... 

The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion

And thy scepter and unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth."

Those are some pretty amazing promises. I have a hard time imagining myself ever feeling confident in the presence of God, but I guess this is the way to do it. Maybe it is worth it missing out on all the cool new movies that have "just one bad part," the friend nights when you just watch movies that don't leave you feeling uplifted, those new songs that have a really cool beat and tune but not the best content, and those books that are so captivating but maybe don't have a good message. Maybe it is just worth the extra effort-the lots and lots of extra effort-to find those things that are the best. Those that are still entertaining and fun, but that have nothing in them that I would be afraid to watch with God standing there looking on.

Thoughts? 

Too independent?

FYI Jen and Quince-this is the post I told you I've been thinking lots about. I finally posted it. 

I've always been slightly independent, but since I've been in relationships that desire for independence (or maybe more accurately described as my fear of being trapped) has definitely increased. I think several things have played a role in this:

After abruptly losing my best friend when our relationship didn't work out, I was extremely lonely. I missed him. I missed his support and love. I missed having someone always there. It was hard. Because of that, I started analyzing my emotional dependence upon other individuals. It was super clear that when I was in a relationship I was much more whiny and wimpy than when I was single. When you're single you don't have one person that loves you more than anyone else. Hence, you learn to just 'buck up and deal with it.' Outside of a relationship I was really good at that. However, in a relationship I'm terrible.

After this discovery I vowed that I wouldn't let that happen again. It made me whiny and annoying and it wasn't healthy. I told myself that I wanted a relationship where I was not emotionally dependent, but I was just in love and wanted to be with him all the time. I didn't want to have the desire to be with him super strong only when I needed someone to lean on, someone to comfort and hug me, someone to validate me.

*****

Another contributing factor is the way that I learned to deal with the concept of polygamy. There was a period in my life when I became really upset, confused, and frustrated about polygamy. Why would Heavenly Father ever command it? I felt that everything we are taught in the church, in the scriptures, in conference talks about marriage and the relationship between a man and a woman can't apply to polygamy. You cannot become one, or cleave unto each other, when there are three people in a relationship! I was really upset. I began to try to analyze what bothered me so much about it. It came down to the fact that I would never feel safe, loved, protected, or secure if I knew my husband loved someone as much, or more than, me. And that is what I was looking for in a relationship. I was looking for that emotional security, that comfort, that assurance that no matter what someone else thought of me, my husband would always love and support me above anyone else. 

Then the thoughts of "What is the purpose of marriage" and "Is that the biggest reason I should want to get married?" began to be constant contemplation. Was my idea of marriage all wrong? Why would we have to get married at all besides to have children? If it's just to have children, then yes, I guess polygamy is more okay (not that I liked it the least bit more, but it was more understandable to me that way). And this was my deduction: "Okay then, it doesn't really matter who I marry as long as he is righteous, he can be a good father and we can get sealed in the temple. Because I need to be emotionally independent of any other human being. It doesn't matter. I only need to rely on my Heavenly Father. And all that matters is my relationship with Him and how I live my life."

I must admit that that made me rather bitter. It was frustrating. But it also made me want to "be completely fine without anyone. I was tough and I could do it. Ta heck with everything else!"

*****

As mentioned in a previous blog post, when I am in a relationship I feel like I become a worse person. I don't feel like I am living my life the way I should. I think this has a lot to do with my obsession of being emotionally independent. 

I've been dating Taylor for a month now, and I've been fighting to not become dependent upon him. I hated realizing that I was frustrated at him if he didn't text me back when I wanted someone to validate or assure me. I hated knowing that something like that could impact the way I felt during the day. I should be fine without anyone else. 

This past Monday Taylor and I talked about this concept. I was feeling miserable. I was so sick and my head hurt so bad. I had tons to get done for my Tuesday classes but instead of working I was sitting there with my head on Taylor's shoulder whining about how sick I was. He was super nice and was trying to think of ways to help me. He suggested that I just go to bed and not finish what I needed to do. That was ludicrous. Of course I had to do my homework. "I'm fine!" I protested. "If you weren't here I would have probably cried a tiny bit and then scolded  myself for being winy and buckled in and studied. I hate feeling like I'm more wimpy when I have someone to complain to. I'm fine." He didn't really like this response. He  made a comment about how he wanted me to feel like I could rely on his support. He said he wanted to feel needed, to feel like he could help me. This sparked a conversation about the purpose of marriage (haha, that sounds awkward. It wasn't, don't worry). We cannot make it to the Celestial kingdom on our own. Why is that? Why do we need someone else? Why the scripture "neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Cor 11:11)? My previous assumption then, that it only mattered how I lived my life was partially incorrect. Because I cannot have the fullness of joy in the celestial kingdom without a husband. 

What, then, is the balance? Is it wrong to be emotionally dependent on someone else? How much of the purpose of marriage is to provide support? Am I too independent? How do you become a better person with someone else? 

Thoughts? 

2 1/2 weeks.

We're 2.5 weeks into the semester and my life is already insane. I've been getting an average of 5.5 hrs of sleep per night. Haha, that looks like more than it feels, trust me.

I've had one shift of clinical in the Medical ICU. It was super interesting. I saw one cardiac arrest. My nurse had just gone to lunch, but I was able to go with the nurse that got the call. There were tons of people in the room. It was Code Blue-cardiac or respiratory arrest.  And luckily they were able to bring him out of it really quick. It was amazing to think that those nurses and doctors could legitimately go home and say they had saved a life that day. People talk about that a lot with the medical profession, but it was so obviously apparent on Saturday. It made me even more grateful that I'm studying nursing.

This semester has been different than any previous semester that I've had. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I think some contributing factors include how chill the teachers are when it comes to administrative issues, but how much they expect of you with the actual knowledge. They aren't as picky on some things, but they haven't babied us nearly as much in explaining assignments to the very tiniest detail. It is making me a little overwhelmed with how much I have to remember from physiology, pathophysiology, med/surg, and pharmacology. I am going to have to do a whole lot of reviewing this semester. If I end up having an extra semester because of a mission or timing with my GE's, I'm definitely going to try to take pathophysiology again. Physiology would also be super nice. Oh how helpful would that be!

And now I have a question:
I've been thinking about this for a good while. Whenever I start to date someone, I feel like I become a worse person. Obviously my schooling suffers because I don't have as much study time. But I also end up getting too little sleep (sleep deprivation that I can't blame on homework makes me feel really guilty), which leads to less effective scripture study and pretty much zero pondering time, less sincere prayers, not as much time spent with my family, less time to fulfill my callings, basically no time to exercise (this is pretty horrid when you're trying to train for a half-marathon), little time to be a good friend and spend time with all the people I would love to hang out with. This always leads to me feeling excessively guilty and overwhelmed because I can't be the person I want to be when I'm in a relationship. I'm not responsible enough. I don't have enough self control. I can't even do it all when I'm totally single, but it just gets 10x worse when I have a boyfriend. And this makes me sometimes feel a tiny bit of frustration at my boyfriend which leads to me being slightly grumpy and not very pleasant.

And so the question:
How can I date someone and still feel like I'm living a balanced life? How can I build a relationship with someone while maintaining my relationship with my other friends and family?

I don't know how.

Decisions, decisions

Doesn't it kind of stink that life is jammed packed full of decisions? Especially for a person like me who absolutely hates making them and has a really hard time doing so. So I'm working on it. I've been thinking and pondering and discussing this topic a whole bunch. And I've come to a few conclusions:

~Sometimes I base how I feel off of fear. I'll decide to do something different, something new (or even something totally normal), and then I'll get afraid and/or change my mind. However, because I refuse to accept that fact, I try to stifle those feelings, hide them, or push them away and the result is that sick-to-my-stomach, I-don't-think-I-should-do-this feeling. Which, then, I often interpret as the Spirit. I know that this feeling that I get can be (and occasionally is) from the Holy Ghost, but I also believe that very often it is not--it is more my fear. I'm working on being able to analyze and tell the difference between the two.

~Sometimes I just don't know what I want or why I feel a certain way (yes, Jason, I'm being perfectly honest). Hence, I am working on learning to interpret my feelings better, to understand why I feel things, to understand what I truly do enjoy, and understand what I really want.

~A big part of the purpose of this life is to learn to make decisions, to decide for ourselves. And many times, Heavenly Father may be neutral as to which decision we choose-leaving it up to us to decide what we want and then do it.

~Fear is a huge part of my emotions. I believe OCD augments this. I will have a thought that really scares me and then it just gets stuck in my head and I think about it over and over and over again. I fear what I'll do in certain situations, I fear that I am not good enough, I fear that I have a lack of self-control, that I'm not worthy, that I'll randomly do something extremely wrong and stupid for no apparent reason. I am also working on this, especially because I know that fear is the opposite of Faith. And I definitely want to have faith. So I'd better stop having fear.

~I need to make decisions off of what I believe, not because of something someone else wants or thinks. I need to choose for myself based on my desires, my standards, my beliefs.

Ok, that's about it for now. Any suggestions to how I can accomplish this? Also, how do you find the balance between making sure you "counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good," and "for behold it is not meet that I [the Lord] should command in all things, for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward" (Alma 37:37; D&C 58:26). Any thoughts?

New Semester: Winter 2012

This semester I get to study these: Labor/Deliver, Mother/Baby, and Pediatrics.

I am so excited! This is where I have always dreamed I would work, where I hope to find what I love most. I start clinicals on Wednesday this week. I start out in Labor/Delivery, so last Wednesday we had a "birth simulation lab." It was so cool! Pregnancy and delivery are such miracles! It blows my mind every time I learn something new about how well the body prepares for and functions during labor. In lab we practiced how to measure how dilated and effaced a woman is. It doesn't seem very accurate, basically you're just guessing. Good thing they don't have student nurses do that in clinical!
We learned about what we need to assess when we care for a pregnant woman:

• Fetal Heart Rate
• Vital Signs
• Dilation and effacement
• Spotting
• Position (never flat on her back!)

Questions: 

• Has your water broken?
• How hard are your contractions? 
• How far apart/close together are they? 
• How is your pain? 

Interventions to relieve pain:

• Re-position 
• Dim lights
• Relaxing music
• Massage (I am so excited for this one--I LOVE giving massages!)
• Walking
• Baths

I'm sure I'll learn a LOT more when I start studying for reals and when I actually get to see a real live birth. 

Questions for any of you who have given birth: 

~Would you let a nursing student (a complete stranger) watch your delivery? 

~What makes a good labor/delivery nurse? 

~What interventions were the best in helping you relax/relieve pain? 

~Were there any super annoying things that nurses did that I should know to never do? :)

 I'm also in a conducting class, a New Testament class, and History of Creativity 2 (with Jason, my new Bro in law). I think it's going to be a good semester :)  

To move or not to move?

I'm trying to decide if I should move out this next semester. I have two options right now, an apartment in my brothers ward which is about $310/month and an apartment much closer to campus, in a ward where I know no one which is $240/month. Kind of a big price difference. But living in Dan's ward would be so fun! I could hang out with him all the time. But $70 is a lot. Here are the pros and cons of moving out/living at home:

Pros:

• Living in an apartment is so much more social than living at home
• I'll meet a bunch more people
• I'll go on dates a lot more (I'm still debating weather I feel this is a pro or a con...)
• I'm much closer to campus, making it easier to study on campus and make it to reviews, study groups, etc. 
• It will force me to be social (since I haven't been willing to make much of an effort lately)
• I'll learn better how to take care of myself and become a little more independent
• I exercise much more consistently when I am not living at home
• I think it would really help me figure out myself a little more.

Cons:

• It costs a lot of money (living at home is free)
• I feel much more out of the loop when I'm not living at home--my relationship with my younger sisters is definitely not as strong when I'm not at home
• I don't talk to my family, especially my parents, as much
• I'm super scared about moving into an apartment with complete strangers in a ward where I know no one. 
• I don't have access to a car (this isn't such a big deal, only when I have clinical at 6 in the morning)
• When I lived away from home last winter I had a super emotional semester. A lot of it had to do with relationships, but I think a lot of it had to do with me being so self-conscious all the time, so unsure of myself, and so worried what people thought of me. All the time. So, being forced to be social is both a pro and a con. I feel like I've learned a lot more about myself, become a lot more comfortable with who I am, so hopefully it wouldn't be such a difficult experience. 
• I would have to buy my own food and cook for myself=much less healthy food, even more money I would have to spend, and having to manage my time so I actually eat meals.
• I'll be spending money that I would be saving up for my mission. 

Anyway, I'm still deciding. I keep wanting to move out but then I get scared.  And logically, living at home makes much more sense. I don't know, I'll keep thinking. What do you think? Any suggestions?

Goal:

I hate that whenever people begin to talk about politics I always feel so out of the loop! Obviously there is so much to learn you could never learn it all, but (being from the family that I am) I believe that knowledge about the government of our country is extremely important. In fact, I believe it's a responsibility we all have, especially as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So, my end-of-November-all-of-December goal is to learn more about the Foreign Policy of our Nation. That kind of seems to be a big deal right about now. Mainly, why are we supporting Israel so much? What is the history behind that? What is going on with Iran?  What about our presence in other countries? Where are we? Why are we there?

Obviously those are SUPER lofty goals. I think it would take years of studying to actually begin to understand what really goes on. But I want to know enough to be able to confidently participate in political discussions (especially discussions about Ron Paul). I want to be able to make my own opinion on such important issues. That always is frustrating when I talk to people who have very strong opinions about issues, but when asked why, they have no idea. I don't want to be one of those people.

Anyway, any suggestions of where to start? Reading the news is a good start--I've never liked reading the news, but I think it will be good. Possibly The Drudge Report, The Daily Paul, and The American Conservative? Those have all been suggestions. How do you go about learning about the history of the Middle East? That's kind of a scary thought. And who do you trust?

Haha, this is a weird post, but I just had a political discussion with a friend. Oh, and question: Will Israel be obliterated if we withdraw our support from them? Is Iran really that powerful and threatening?

The week in musings

Just some random musings I've had over the past week:

• So much music on the radio is ridiculous lately. 
• I never want to be one of those people that make you think "I wonder what she says about me when I'm not here..."
• Sometimes life is so difficult and I don't like it. How can I become content with the simple fact that life is hard and I need to learn to enjoy it anyway? 
• Gossip is so detrimental to everyone's Spirit. I really want to be a person who is known for always saying positive things about people and standing up for them when others aren't. 
• Sometimes I get tired of trying so hard and I give up. But then it makes life so much worse and then I have to try that much harder. 
• Dates are fun, and even though I haven't been very excited about them, they are really good for me and they turn out much better than expected. 
• I am not a huge fan of meat. But Tucanos is still good--I just like the non-meat stuff better. 
• Not doing an assignment is the WORST thing EVER! 
• If I never get married, or if I don't get married for a long time, I don't want to become bitter about it and cynical about life and critical of other people who seem like their dreams are all fulfilled. 
• I need to figure out my priorities and make them priorities time-wise during my day. I think that would make life a little easier. 
• I need to have more faith that I can get answers to my prayers, even if they take a long, long time in coming and lots and lots of fervent prayers.
• I love children, they make me so happy :)
• I never appreciated people's testimonies very much until lately--now I'm beginning to understand what people meant when they said they were strengthened by hearing the testimonies of others. 

Ok, I need to go to bed now.  I'm going to make this next week so much better than this last. And I'm going to memorize a scripture a day, like I'm supposed to. And I'm going to read a conference talk (at least one) this week. And I'm going to read my scriptures in the morning-no matter what else I have to do. And I'm going to sing a lot. And pray a lot. And refuse to be okay with negative thoughts.

Goodnight.

Perspectives...

I've realized that I have such a different perspective about life than I used to. Well, I guess only in one aspect. But that aspect is pretty huge. It's the aspect of relationships. More specifically, romantic relationships. I used to look forward to my relationship with my future husband all the time. I used to day dream about it on a daily basis, probably more than once a day. And I would "scope out" boys as I walked across campus.

Then I was engaged. It was very different than I thought it would be. It was more stressful than I imagined. It was more complicated than I had ever dreamed. But it was beautiful. I was the most important person in someone's life. And he cared about me more than anyone else! And he always put me first, no matter how busy his day was. And I loved it.

However, now I am not engaged. I had no idea I could feel so much pain. It also was beyond anything I had imagined. That pain is mostly gone now (there is still definitely a sadness, but it isn't the piercing pain like it used to be). Instead it's more like a deadness, an apathy toward relationships. And I'm totally fine with that right now, as I know I need to heal and work on becoming a better person right now. But I don't ever hope or dream for it anymore. It seems so unreachable to me. So out of my life. But it's not in a sad way. It's more like it just became so foreign, so odd, so unfamiliar to me that I can't imagine it and I don't want to hope for it. I walk across campus and view people as if they are in a different world than I am, in such a different aspect of life. I see couples who obviously love each other so much, and I smile for them, but I feel like I will never again feel that.

Sometimes I feel familiar excitement about marriage like I used to, for just brief seconds, but then my mind just refuses to even dream about it. But, like I said before, it's not very often in a sad way, just in an acceptance sort of way, like I'm okay with the fact that I can't see myself ever getting married, ever having that relationship again.

And now I wonder, is this something that will pass? Do I just need to wait and let my heart continue to heal? Or is it something I need to attempt to overcome? I know that marriage is a commandment, and I want to want it. But I don't anymore. I don't know, what do you think?

Love: What is it?

It's kind of obvious, but I have been thinking a lot about love these last few months. A lot. And I have realized quite a few things about the misconceptions I have had my whole life. I have realized how differently people feel love, about how many types of love there seem to be, and about how little attention I have payed to my emotions my whole life.I guess I kind of wanted to write the thoughts I've had to see if I can make sense of them, and, if you desire, to get your input on questions that I have.




First: What is love? That is an 'age-old' question :) And it really confuses me. I have thought about all the ways people describe their love: I was so distracted,  on cloud nine. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life! She makes me want to be the best person I can be. We can't stand to be apart etc etc etc. When I was growing up, whenever we had discussions about love (especially in my English  class when we were reading The Mayor of Casterbridge) I was fully convinced that people had complete control over who they fell in love with. Love depends so much upon Christ-like attributes, correct? So, any two people who were compatible in their beliefs and what they wanted out of life could fall in love, right? However, as I have talked to many people about love there seems to be this element that is not very controllable. It is not the charity part, it is not the selflessness or the service, it is not any of those. Rather it seems that there is an element of love--I guess this is what people call romance--that is not under our control. I don't like thinking that it is out of my control. I searched for what the prophets and apostles have said about love, but they seem to talk about all the other parts of love--respect, service, selflessness, work, etc. So, is there a part of love that is not under our control? Or, can we fall in love with anyone? Here is some of what our Prophets and Apostles have said of love:

"On the other hand, “divine” love, as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, 'is not like that association of the world which is misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the parties soon tire of each other. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage, which in turn may last only until it too becomes stale. The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity' (Agency and Love in Marriage, Elder Lynn G. Robbins).

"In fact, if we want to make ourselves into worthy eternal companions, we can first concentrate on becoming unwavering disciples of the Master....Very little love can come from one who is not at peace with himself or herself and God. As Enos learned, no one can be concerned about the welfare of someone else and give love to another until he or she has taken care of his or her own soul. Thus, our preparation for an eternal marriage must include repenting, learning, acquiring faith, and developing the security that comes with a vision of our potential as children of a Heavenly Father. Only when we love God above all others, as the Savior taught (see Matt. 22:34–40), will we be capable of offering pure, Christlike love to our companions for all eternity...I suppose “loving kindness” is a synonym for charity, or the pure love of Christ. I know that it is an absolutely essential ingredient in an eternal marriage and that romantic love cannot be separated from it or flourish without it. Loving kindness is a common thread in all the exceptional marriages with which I am acquainted, and it is the remedy for almost all marital problems....If we will strive to love with understanding, the Spirit will teach us “all things what [we] should do” (2 Ne. 32:5) to achieve an eternal marriage pleasing to the Lord. Under the influence of the Spirit, our sympathy and love for our eternal companions will deepen, and we will come to know a happiness and contentment in marriage that the world will never know." (A Union of Love and Understanding, Elder Marlin K. Jensen).

I've been kind of discouraged lately about relationships. I feel like the world is so confused as to what a good relationship is, and it's getting me slightly confused. But I love this quote by Elder Hafen:

"For all that I have said by way of warning about the social conditions of the day or the limits we must place on ourselves, I'd like you to remember that the teachings of the gospel about romantic love are full of hope and peace and joy of the most uplifting and everlasting kind. I testify to you with all my heart that the commandments of God are designed for our ultimate happiness, and that being sweethearts in the way the Lord intended it is worth waiting for" (Elder Bruce C Hafen, The Gospel and Romantic Love).



Anyway, what are your thoughts? Obviously there is 'romantic love' and it is very important. It seems like it is the thing that differentiates between the multitude of good righteous people that you could marry. Is that just left up to chance, though, or is it something we can control? How did/do you know that you love someone? What helped you see that you loved someone enough to marry them? How did you make that decision?