Doesn't it kind of stink that life is jammed packed full of decisions? Especially for a person like me who absolutely hates making them and has a really hard time doing so. So I'm working on it. I've been thinking and pondering and discussing this topic a whole bunch. And I've come to a few conclusions:
~Sometimes I base how I feel off of fear. I'll decide to do something different, something new (or even something totally normal), and then I'll get afraid and/or change my mind. However, because I refuse to accept that fact, I try to stifle those feelings, hide them, or push them away and the result is that sick-to-my-stomach, I-don't-think-I-should-do-this feeling. Which, then, I often interpret as the Spirit. I know that this feeling that I get can be (and occasionally is) from the Holy Ghost, but I also believe that very often it is not--it is more my fear. I'm working on being able to analyze and tell the difference between the two.
~Sometimes I just don't know what I want or why I feel a certain way (yes, Jason, I'm being perfectly honest). Hence, I am working on learning to interpret my feelings better, to understand why I feel things, to understand what I truly do enjoy, and understand what I really want.
~A big part of the purpose of this life is to learn to make decisions, to decide for ourselves. And many times, Heavenly Father may be neutral as to which decision we choose-leaving it up to us to decide what we want and then do it.
~Fear is a huge part of my emotions. I believe OCD augments this. I will have a thought that really scares me and then it just gets stuck in my head and I think about it over and over and over again. I fear what I'll do in certain situations, I fear that I am not good enough, I fear that I have a lack of self-control, that I'm not worthy, that I'll randomly do something extremely wrong and stupid for no apparent reason. I am also working on this, especially because I know that fear is the opposite of Faith. And I definitely want to have faith. So I'd better stop having fear.
~I need to make decisions off of what I believe, not because of something someone else wants or thinks. I need to choose for myself based on my desires, my standards, my beliefs.
Ok, that's about it for now. Any suggestions to how I can accomplish this? Also, how do you find the balance between making sure you "counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good," and "for behold it is not meet that I [the Lord] should command in all things, for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward" (Alma 37:37; D&C 58:26). Any thoughts?
2 comments:
I had a tough time with this too - trying to decide if things were coming from my crazy mind or if it was the Spirit. I believe Elder Bednar gave a really good talk about that. He basically said that as long as it's a good thing, it doesn't matter where it came from! You should just do it! If it's a bad thing, it doesn't matter where it came from; you shouldn't do it.
Gah I just need to message you or something...I just went through this almost exact same thing! I love you so much Bekah!
Fear is a huge deterrant to life. i struggled with fear a lot at the beginning of last year. (this seems to be the major theme of this post which i why i am focusing on it. there is a talk by President Hinckley entitled "God hath not not given us the spirit of fear." it is a wonderful talk and i love it! i highly recommend you read it. i also have learned that fear and faith cannot exist at the same time and therefore when we are fearful, it is harder for the Spirit to speak to us. another thing that helped me was challenging myself to "Be Fearless" and do things that scare me (within reason of course).
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