Speaking of clinical, we had our first day on Friday. 10 whole hrs (including driving time). Fridays will be long but so so good! We are going to be able to spend time in the OR, the ED, the PACU, the ACU, SDS, and Endoscopy Lab (in case you're wondering-the Operating Room, Emergency Department, Post-anesthesia care unit, Acute Care Unit, and Same Day Surgery). It's going to be awesome! I'm so intimidated, but I know that if I work hard enough, study hard enough, and pray hard enough I can learn what I need to know to become a competent nursing student (not nurse yet-just student).
The past two days I have finally felt a little more at peace with what has transpired. That definitely doesn't mean that the pain is not there anymore, it just means that it's much, much, easier to deal with. My Dad shared a beautiful story with me about a little blind girl traveling with her father on a crowded train. She was sitting on her Dad's lap when a friend of her father offered to hold her for a while. The little girl made no protest when moved to this man's (to her, this stranger's) lap. Seeing this, wondering how she was so calm, her Dad asked, "do you know who's holding you?" The little girl replied, "No Daddy, but you do."
I searched for that story and found it quoted in this talk by Elder Marvin J Ashton. He states, "Some might be inclined to say, “What a perfect trust this child had in her father.” Others may say, “What a wonderful example of love.” And still others might say, “What an example of faith.” To me it indicates a beautiful blending of all of these principles, which brought a priceless inner peace to the child. She knew she was safe because she knew her father knew who was holding her. Affection, respect, and care over the years had placed in this little girl’s heart a peace that surpasseth all understanding. She was at peace because she knew and trusted her father."
Later on in the talk he describes peace, "True peace must not be dependent upon conditions or happenings. Peace must stem from an inward contentment built upon trust, faith, and goodwill toward God, fellowmen, and self. It must be constantly nurtured by the individual who is soundly anchored to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Only then can a person realize that the trials and tribulations of daily life are less important than God’s total goodness.
Lasting peace is an eternal personal quest. Peace does come from obedience to the law. Peace comes to those who develop character and trust."
I love that! When I heard that story of the little girl I began to cry. I realized how little trust and faith I had placed in my Heavenly Father. He knows what is best. I have said that over and over again. And while I believed it then, it has just now made so much more sense to me. He knows me perfectly! I still miss Matt so much, but I have felt that what has happened was for the best--for me and for Matt. I have learned things about myself that I had never fully understood. I have seen how Heavenly Father has worked so intimately in my life to help me make correct choices and do the things He knows are best for me.
I don't know what will happen in the future, but I am so grateful for the things I am learning now. I want to have that lasting peace, through whatever occurs in my life, and this has helped me learn in a little way how to work toward that.
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