I wish I could think of a cool title

Tonight I'm a little sad. I'm not sure why. Does that every happen to you? You feel sad, happy, embarrassed, or uneasy and you don't know why or what triggered it? Most often for me it's a sadness that I can't figure out. But I think tonight it has to do a little bit with being lonely. I saw a few names on a fb picture that I know from high school, people that I wanted to be friends with but never was, and I remembered again how weird and non-social I was then (some of you may think that I'm still like that, and I am a little, but I've definitely gotten better ;). I saw random things that reminded me of Matt. I saw a lot of cute couples today that made me feel happy for them but a little bit lonely on the inside. I thought about how much I miss so many of my friends on missions.

Something that has been a little upsetting to me lately is how much I've changed since those above-mentioned boys-now-turning-into-men left. I worry that when they get letters from me, or when they get home, they will be so disappointed in the person I have become. I miss my old self a lot. I'm not the cheerful, always positive girl I was before. I have changed SO MUCH since high school. Hopefully a lot of those changes have been good, have made me a better person, but I fear that in a lot of areas the opposite has occurred.

Sometimes I feel like the lessons I'm learning now are being taught because I forgot them from before. But oh well. I can't do anything about that now except work a little harder, and try a little more to be the best person I can be. One thing I have learned, in a much more personal way, is how much the Atonement means for me in my life. How much I need that healing power, that balm in Gilead. And how grateful I am that I have a loving Heavenly Father who watches over me always and who wants the very best possible for His daughter.

Sorry, this probably should have been a personal journal entry, but typing is faster and I want to go to bed sooner. I guess most of my blog posts should be journal entries. For those few people who may perhaps read this I apologize for how personal some of these are.

Ok, goodnight!