Decisions

For some reason I'm a little frustrated today. No, more like just apathetic. No, more like just heavy. Down? Blue? Something like that. And I'm not really sure why. I think it has to do with being tired, but I think even more so it has to do with being stressed about what I want to do with dance.

These past few weeks I've spent on average about 15 hours dancing. Class consists of four of those hours, but practicing makes up the rest. A lot of it has been really enjoyable and that's why I've done it, but last night, after being in the RB for five hours, I started realizing that I need to make a decision. I love dance, I really do. But I realized that some of the reasons I love it are not necessarily the actual dancing. One reason I loved it was because it came naturally to me at the beginning level, so I always felt like I was doing really well in class. It was low stress and I knew I could get an A. Another reason I really liked it was because of the people I got to dance with. When you have fun dance partners that motivate you to be better, it's great.

Well. After practicing and being "coached" by some amazing, skilled dancers, I've realized how I actually am not that good at dancing. There is so much that is involved in it, and there are so many people to compare to. I'm so far behind everyone else who started when they were young! I need to practice more! Yeah, that's how I started feeling. Not the best thing ever. So that reason is no longer applicable.

About 5 hours after I started this post I am now finishing it...


I still have awesome people to dance with.

And as of like 1 hour ago I gained a new motivation. To become so good so that I can show him that I am NOT hoping to dance with him because I can dance with lots of better people. Ha. I'm a brat. I'll get over it. Soon. Actually, Mom helped me get over it mostly. I don't really feel like that anymore. I'm just sorry that that happened tonight. I'm sure he wasn't trying to come across like he was purposely ignoring me. Right? Charity is giving others the benefit of the doubt. Yes, he wasn't meaning to be like that...

And I just wanted to say thanks to Conner. He will never read this, and out of the few who do no one will ever know him (most likely) but he is such a gentleman and I wish all boys were more like him. I don't really understand him lots of times. Like what in the world he is thinking most of the time. But even if he thinks I'm the biggest wimp and the weirdest girl and the worst dancer he never shows it. He is just nice. And makes me feel so much better than I start out feeling. So thank you Conner! Whoever wins your heart when you get back from your mission is going to be one lucky girl!

And since I'm rambling, can I just mention that I rode almost 7 miles on my bike today? Yeah, my legs are dead. I'm just hoping that I can still actually dance well for medals tomorrow...