A Jumble of Thoughts.

I'm still sick. I hate sickness. It throws everything off and messes up everyone's plans. We were all hit super hard with it this flu season. Darn freezing cold winter. But thankfully everyone is on the mend.

I've done one week of block classes. Holy cow they move fast. Book of Mormon won't be too bad. But Spanish. Whew! Lets not even talk about how completely ignorant I feel in that class. You would think that in Spanish 101 they would speak more often in English, but no! Immersion is the way to go, right? Wow. What a humbling experience, let me tell ya! I'm by far the most behind in that class as everyone else has had at least a few years of high school Spanish. Me on the other hand... But thankfully I have many kind friends who speak Spanish and are willing to help me. I'm totally going to take them up on it.

I love elves. I wish they were real and I was one. I guess I have to be content with learning all the awesome skills they apparently have. Mostly archery. And just good magic all around. I think I've read a little too much Lord of the Rings in the past two days...

Tonight we had a birthday party for two of my siblings . It was way fun. I love them. But when I left I said goodbye to my Alaskan chillins. And Quince and Jen. They're flying out tomorrow and I won't see them until after my mission. It made my mission seem so much more real. Like, I'm actually going to be out serving in less than two months. And I won't be with my family. And they will write me letters and I will write to them. It was such a weird feeling. It still almost seems like it's not really going to happen. But I'm sure my first night in the MTC will change that! :)

I have had so many kind people in my life lately. I've been in a little bit of a weird situation and I have so appreciated those who have just offered random, thoughtful, kind words. They have no idea how much they mean to me. Something I especially appreciate is when someone who I met through an old boyfriend is still willing to say hi, and ask how I'm doing, and ask me about my life, and give me encouragement, even when they were better friends with the boy I broke up with. Having had so many people act the opposite way after I break up with their friend makes me appreciate so much more those who don't.

Speaking of old bf's. What is my problem?! I have such a hard time getting over someone. I really can't figure out what it is. Because it obviously didn't work out, and I am the one who was the cause of it not working out, so you would think that I would be over it by now. But nope. I'm not. Most of the time I am, thankfully. But random times I just all of the sudden miss them. And it hurts. And I'm like, I am never dating again!! And then I hate relationships and boys, etc. But really I just miss them way bad.

Starting the semester I was really excited to not have nursing classes. I could hardly believe that none of my teachers even emailed me before classes started. Totally abnormal. But after attending class the first two days I realized that I missed nursing. Most of all I missed the nursing students in my class. Mostly I missed Laura and Brittany. Since my freshman year of college I haven't had to go to many classes where I know no one. But I have this semester. It is so good for me. But quite lonely.

I had a good conversation with Sarah when I drove her home tonight. In it, I realized that I have become so much more confident in the past year. I have really learned to be okay with the person I am. Granted, I'm still embarrassed when I'm completely clueless about something that everyone else is aware of, but it happens less and less and when it does it doesn't bother me as much. I have been so blessed to grow up in a home where I was always taught that I was a daughter of God. And that He loved me for who I was. With all my weird quirks, with my flaws, with my imperfections, and with my strengths. And He knows me! And I have nothing to hide from Him. And in the long run, His opinion is the only one that really matters. That has given me such strength. I am the daughter of the most powerful, most loving, all knowing Heavenly Father. And He loves me. 

I need to go to bed now. I have choir practice in the morning. I should have been in bed long ago, but after I took Sarah home I had much to think about. There are a few of my thoughts.

p.s. I love Preach My Gospel. Wow, what an inspired book. It is like scripture and I love reading it. I am so glad this is what I get to read to prepare to serve Heavenly Father.

Goodnight!