Once upon a time there was this girl who never knew her own opinion. She was very easy going and kinda just let others decide things for her, even really important things. She never could tell what she thought about events, places, activities, foods, and especially in relation to guys.
Yeah, this is me. I have SUCH a hard time knowing if I'm interested in someone or not. How can you tell? It doesn't help to try to decide if you like them based on how much fun you had on the first (or consecutive) dates, because I almost always have fun on dates. One of the funnest dates I've been on was with someone that I was absolutely sure that I was not interested in. But it was still a very fun date.
Another suggestion has been to decide based on how much you enjoy talking to them. This totally does not work for me because some of my favorite guys to talk to are guys that I am not physically attracted to one bit. But how do I tell if i'm interested if I love talking to them but am not sure how attracted I am to them?
And then there's the measuring tool of how much do you enjoy being with them. Well, I have a hard time even knowing that. This one works a little better for me than the previous two, but I still am bad at judging this because I am normally a very optimistic person who likes being with most people. But I can't marry most people either.
How 'bout judging based on how excited you are to see them? Or how much you miss them? Nope, doesn't work. I usually get so nervous for a date that I dread it until I'm on it. So that's a bad judge. And then there's the whole, "I don't know how much this relates to my personality or how much I really like the person" debate as well. Because I rarely missed Matt (maybe once when we were engaged and he was gone for a week). But then again, I didn't end up marrying him after all.
When I was dating Matt I thought that this malady of me not knowing my own mind was a new development. However, in retrospect I can clearly see that this started long, long ago. In high school it was a daily (sometimes hourly) occurrence for me to change my mind about who I liked. A few crushes held on for a couple months, but in those months I would go back and forth from "I really like him!" to "actually, I don't like him at all. He's a punk" and so forth. But it didn't matter back then because it was all for fun.
Contemplating this issue last night I decided that I must link it back to the time when I was in primary, and there was a boy named James in the class older than me. My brother Daniel decided that I must have liked him so he gave me the tickle torture until I admitted it. As a matter of fact I did not like him. I don't think I even knew what it meant to like a boy. However, I knew that he wouldn't stop tickling me until I confessed and so I did. Thanks a LOT Dan! ;) btw, this boy is now in my singles ward and I kind of want him to ask me on a date...
The other option is that I'm just a stereotypical, fickle, I-don't-know-what-I-want girl. Yeah, that's probably it.
It may actually be related to my honesty with myself. Have you ever felt like you should like someone so much that you confuse yourself as to whether you actually do? That is also a very great possibility here.
Anyhow, I still have this problem. And I realized (when I got asked on a second date for the first time in a while) that I am absolutely terrified of going through another relationship where I am confused. After I hung up the phone I basically started hyperventilating. And started feeling sick to my stomach. And it's only a second date, for crying out loud! So, I need to work on this. Any suggestions?
1 comment:
one of the biggest things NOT to do is to convince yourself that you like him. you should not have to do that. if you like being with him, find him attractive, and have fun with him then those ARE all good signs. in all actuality you CAN marry many different people. there is no ONE soul mate out there for you. however if you are still enjoying his company after three dates then i would say go with it. if later on you find that you aren't as interested as you initially thought, or if things show up in his character that you don't like then you can always end the relationship. you don't have to decide that he is your eternal companion within the first few dates! take your time! dating is an experiment. also, it is cheesy but remember the "list" you made in young women's. if he seems to line up with things on that list then go for it girl!
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