Missions

I have been trying to decide whether I want to turn my papers in to serve a full-time mission this summer. Growing up I always vowed I would serve a mission. I even went so far as to say I wouldn't even go on dates with returned missionaries until I was back. Well, that obviously failed my freshman year of college (don't worry, I set that goal when I was very young and naive :). But up until December 2010 I was extremely set on going a mission. Well, my life plans went through a roller coaster and for a few months that opportunity was no longer in my future, but plans changed again and it is definitely an option now. However, the closer it gets, the more scared I become of leaving everything I've known for the first 20 years of my life to go somewhere I've most likely never been, to live with someone I've never met, and to do something 24/7 that I've not had much experience doing.

My biggest fear, however, is the emotional difficulty I've heard many returned missionaries talk about. I went through some pretty painful months this past year, and instead of giving me confidence, seeing that I've come through something hard a better person, it has given me a lot of fear. I am afraid of not being emotionally able to handle a mission. I don't really know why, either, because even when I felt awful about life I always continued doing what I needed to do. I kept going to work, kept up with school, fulfilled my calling, kept praying, and tried to always smile, at least on the outside. And now I'm so happy. I wouldn't say I'm completely fine, but I'm so close to being there. And I'm definitely stronger than I was. So what is my worry?

In addition, I know that if I feel like it is something Heavenly Father wants me to do, He will give me the strength to accomplish it. I know that. Now I just have to figure out if He has a preference of when He wants me to go and make sure that I  am ready to go serve Him for 18 months of my life.

I think reading Preach My Gospel will help as well as taking Mission Prep this spring. And I just have to be confident that things will work out how they are supposed to :)