TRUST. or lack thereof

This week for my nursing internship I attended The Children's Justice Symposium. In case you don't know (I didn't until I decided to go into nursing), the Children's Justice Center is a place where children who are being abused can go to be interviewed, examined, emotionally supported, and assisted in any way possible. There is one here in Provo and I got to volunteer there my freshman year of college.

So, the conference I attended was all about child abuse: physical, sexual, mental, neglect, medical, etc. It was also about abusers: who they are, why they do what they do, what they think when they do it, and how you can protect your children from them. Sounds pretty uplifting, right?

This conference mostly consisted of Judges, Police Officers, Detectives, Child Advocates, Prosecutors, and other social workers. Not many medical professionals there, although there were some. I grew up in Utah, and was therefore quite sheltered my whole life. This group of people was rather rough. I haven't heard language like that very often.

However, the things we learned opened my eyes and helped me have an amazing level of respect for these people. What they deal with every day is horrifying. It is depressing. It is emotionally draining. It is gruesome, awful, and bloody. And I think it requires people to become a little rough around the edges to be able to handle the stress and the emotional and physical exhaustion.

I am a pretty trusting person in general. When I started college I probably could have rated myself about 90% trusting. I was suspicious of some people, of sketchy looking people, but overall I trusted the people I interacted with. During my first year of nursing (my sophomore year of college) we learned a lot about elder abuse. One day we watched a video about elder abuse and I left that class with my trust in others, especially men, greatly diminished. I could probably have rated myself about a 70%.

Over time my trust increased a little bit as the memory of the things we learned faded and as I again had hope in the good nature of people. However, after these last few days I feel like my trust in others has dropped substantially. Almost to the point that I'm starting to wonder if I will ever trust someone enough to marry them. I think this, too, will fade a little bit, but I think it's going to take a lot more effort on the part of anyone I date to show me that I can trust them. It is going to take a super-human effort on my part to let myself trust someone that much.

And because I am not a super human person, it is going to take a lot of help from the Lord. I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I don't know where I would be without it. He can make everything right. Some day every wrong will be righted, JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED, but mercy will abound. Isn't that perfect?