Love

I've been thinking lots about love in the past couple weeks. (haha, does this sound at all familiar? Yeah, I agree). What does it mean to love someone? What does it mean when you tell someone you love them? What kind of love does it take to pursue eternal marriage?

In my marriage and family class we are going to talk about this today (perfect timing, huh?). These are some quotes I've found from my reading and/or facebook that have really made me think:

"There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can’t always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command—such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them" (Elder Holland, How Do I Love Thee?).

I saw evidence of this the other day in my own awesome sisters. Three of them are in an orchestra together and last week they had seating auditions. When they got the emailed results Kathy had done super well and moved up to 3rd chair. It was beautiful for me to see the honest delight in Karen as she congratulated her twin on her success. It almost made me tear up, gosh darn it ;) It reminded me of what it is to be truly Christlike and rejoice with others when they rejoice.

It made me stop and think. Do I feel that way when others succeed? Am I humble enough or Christlike enough to truly rejoice with others, even when they do better than me? Do I feel that way in my dating relationship? Or do I feel like I always have to one up someone else to feel secure, to boost my own self-esteem?

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"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and to not twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them" (Thomas Merton).  

I don't know who this is, but this quote was kind of like a slap in the face for me. Wow. I do this constantly. I have an imagined view of what I think someone should be and I get frustrated when reality hits, and they aren't that exact person I tell myself they are. This makes me upset and resentful. Why can't I be honest in my perception of others and truly allow them to be themselves? How can I develop this quality? 


"Indeed, it may be our own capacity to give love that makes us most lovable. The greater our own personal substance is and the deeper our own mental, emotional, and spiritual reserves are, the greater will be our capacity to nurture and love others, especially our companion...Very little love can come from one who is not at peace with himself or herself and God. As Enos learned, no one can be concerned about the welfare of someone else and give love to another until he or she has taken care of his or her own soul. Thus, our preparation for an eternal marriage must include repenting, learning, acquiring faith, and developing the security that comes with a vision of our potential as children of a Heavenly Father. Only when we love God above all others, as the Savior taught (see Matt. 22:34–40), will we be capable of offering pure, Christlike love to our companions for all eternity" (Elder Marlin K. Jensen, A Union of Love and Understanding).

I've posted this quote many times previously (especially after I broke up a year ago). Is this where I lack? Do I need to focus on my relationship with my Heavenly Father first so I will  have that ability to love like I want to?

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“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, and pour out peace” (Ezra Taft Benson).

This was quoted in a class a couple days ago. I've heard it so many times before, but it struck me especially then as I have been thinking a lot about how much I want to deepen my joys. I love feeling things deeply. If I don't, I get frustrated with myself. I loved this because it was a promise that as I turn my life over to God, He will deepen my joys. Beautiful.

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"I believe that those of you who are walking around with a checklist of desirable fully perfected attributes in a prospective companion may come off empty-handed. Most of those attributes will be only in embryo when you are courting and will take most of a lifetime to perfect" (Elder Marlin K. Jensen, A Union of Love and Understanding).

This is something I've thought about lots, but this time when I read this quote I realized how much I need to understand it. I have been going around expecting to marry someone who is perfect. I know that I don't have to settle, but I need to develop the ability to see others through their potential, who they can become, what they're working towards, rather than just looking at who they are right now. How can I develop this quality? How can I come to not focus so much on someone's weaknesses right now, rather look at their strengths and whether or not they are changing those weaknesses to strengths.


Any thoughts? I would love to hear experiences that others have had as they have found their sweetheart. How did you know? Was it easy or simple? Did you have to change your views or your opinions or your expectations?