I almost made it...

Yesterday was my very last day of ICU clinical. WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I was just a little excited. I have really enjoyed my ICU clinical experience, but I'm tired and stressed and not having to stay up late on Wednesday nights to finish a huge assignment and then get up early on Thursday (usually about 5) to head up to SLC and be there until 7:30 at night will be so very nice. I still have Psych clinical for 4 more weeks, but that's twice a day, for 8 hrs, starting at 7:45 in the morning here in Provo. And there are no pre-assessments=best thing ever.

I was excited heading into my last day. Remember how in my last two clinical rotations I have had a light-headed or fainting episode? Well I hadn't had that this clinical. I was doing better! I had seen lots gross stuff and lots of very critically ill patients and I had been fine.

Then I went to the burn unit.

The first time we walked into my patients room it happened. I could feel my face starting to pale and my ears start getting fuzzy and my neck starting to get hot and sweaty. I don't know what it was. I hadn't even seen anything gross at all. I think it was the shock of having a pediatric patient. And then to see him in so very much pain.

I had to sit down, and then leave the room. They brought my juice and crackers like normal and had me go put my feet up and rest. I felt retarded. Gosh darn it! I had gotten sick without even seeing his burn.

I eventually felt fine and went in to help with dressing changes on another patient. Everything went smoothly and I didn't feel light headed at all.

Then I went to help with my patient's dressing changes.

Not only were these much more extensive and bloody, but again I had to hear him screaming in pain as the dressings were pealed off his wounds. It was so hard to hear him keep screaming hoarsely at us to stop because it hurt so badly and to see his little body shaking in pain.

I had to leave after about the first 20 minutes.

I was so frustrated with myself! I had almost made it through my whole intensive care rotation without having these silly almost fainting episodes. But it had to happen on the last day. Lame.

And then, what makes it even more ridiculous, I watched an admit that had so many more horrible burns than my patient. It was so nasty. It was bloody and smelly and hot and crowded and intense. And I watched the surgeons work and I watched the ART line attempts and I was perfectly fine. I don't understand it.

Two of my almost fainting moments have been when I was helping with a pediatric patient and having to see them in so much pain. But I love pediatrics. That's something I have seriously considered going into. That was my first choice for my capstone placement. Am I going to have issues with fainting when I have to inflict pain on my little patients? I don't know. I hope not.

There were lots of contributing factors yesterday. I hadn't really eaten any breakfast (I tried, but there wasn't much to eat that was quick and I was lazy and slept until the last minute), I hadn't drunk any fluids yet, and I already was feeling sick. Also, I've noticed a link between me feeling embarrassed and then feeling faint. I really think that has to do with it. I was feeling awkward and not knowing what to do because my nurse, although she was awesome, was not a very communicative nurse. So who knows? My clinical instructor said she had experiences like that in nursing school but she got over it once she was the nurse and she was in charge of the patient instead of just being an observer. And she worked in the ED for 20 years. So maybe it will pass eventually. At least it won't happen again this semester.