Tonight I went on my first date since breaking up. It was a little weird, I'm not gonna lie. Especially since we talked about my mission the whole time. Which leads me to a confession: I kind of forgot how to act on a first (well this is actually our second) date. Funny side note-he was my first date ever, just a little after I turned 16, right after he turned 16. So it was both of our first dates. And now we went on a date after he got back from his mish. How cute. Anyways, as I was saying...
I've been so used to talking to anyone and everyone about my relationships because when you're dating someone and your guy friends know that, it's not weird to talk to them about it and ask for their advice and opinions, and I always talk to my girl friends about it, and my family, and basically everyone...so I accidentally mentioned a previous relationship twice while on this date. How tacky and clueless, and naive can I get? Way to go, Bekah! Oh well. Oh. And one of them was that I was engaged. And he was like "you were engaged?!" and I was like "Idiot! Why did you just say that?!" and out loud I was like, "um yeah." Haha, not awkward at all. Oh well. Whatevs. I'll learn eventually. Thank goodness I have 18 months to forget about dating.
Except, speaking about forgetting about dating, I'm kind of worried that I won't. Tonight as I talked so much about my mission I began to get worried that I would be emotionally able to handle it. I would miss my family, school, dating, work, friends too much. It got me really worried. I was trying to hide this fear in my conversation and I think I did fine, but it made me concerned. But as I have been thinking about it, fears are never from God. God doesn't work by giving us fear, or guilt. He gives us comfort, peace, and, when need be, he gives us uneasiness. But fear is not from God. I need to realize that He is there to help me at all times, no matter how many times I mess up.
Tonight for our date we went to the Vocal Point concert. It was amazing. But I was struck by the song "Come Thou Fount." I love this song, I have listened to it so many times, but tonight, with the context they gave it, it struck me in a different way. How often am I prone to wander? Everyday? Every hour? More than once per hour? It's really often. I am prone to wander. But Christ understands that. Our loving Heavenly Father understands that. And They continue to forgive and to love.
Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be!Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.Prone to wander, Lord I feel it! Prone to leave the God I love.Here's my heart Oh! take and seal itSeal it for They courts above!
Jesus sought me, when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood.
What I beautiful reminder.
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