First: What is love? That is an 'age-old' question :) And it really confuses me. I have thought about all the ways people describe their love: I was so distracted, on cloud nine. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life! She makes me want to be the best person I can be. We can't stand to be apart etc etc etc. When I was growing up, whenever we had discussions about love (especially in my English class when we were reading The Mayor of Casterbridge) I was fully convinced that people had complete control over who they fell in love with. Love depends so much upon Christ-like attributes, correct? So, any two people who were compatible in their beliefs and what they wanted out of life could fall in love, right? However, as I have talked to many people about love there seems to be this element that is not very controllable. It is not the charity part, it is not the selflessness or the service, it is not any of those. Rather it seems that there is an element of love--I guess this is what people call romance--that is not under our control. I don't like thinking that it is out of my control. I searched for what the prophets and apostles have said about love, but they seem to talk about all the other parts of love--respect, service, selflessness, work, etc. So, is there a part of love that is not under our control? Or, can we fall in love with anyone? Here is some of what our Prophets and Apostles have said of love:"On the other hand, “divine” love, as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, 'is not like that association of the world which is misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the parties soon tire of each other. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage, which in turn may last only until it too becomes stale. The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity' (Agency and Love in Marriage, Elder Lynn G. Robbins).
"In fact, if we want to make ourselves into worthy eternal companions, we
can first concentrate on becoming unwavering disciples of the Master....Very little love can come from one who is not at peace with himself or
herself and God. As Enos learned, no one can be concerned about the
welfare of someone else and give love to another until he or she has
taken care of his or her own soul. Thus, our preparation for an eternal
marriage must include repenting, learning, acquiring faith, and
developing the security that comes with a vision of our potential as
children of a Heavenly Father. Only when we love God above all others,
as the Savior taught (see Matt. 22:34–40), will we be capable of offering pure, Christlike love to our companions for all eternity...I suppose “loving kindness” is a synonym for charity, or the pure love
of Christ. I know that it is an absolutely essential ingredient in an
eternal marriage and that romantic love
cannot be separated from it or flourish without it. Loving kindness is a
common thread in all the exceptional marriages with which I am
acquainted, and it is the remedy for almost all marital problems....If we will strive to love with understanding, the Spirit will teach us “all things what [we] should do” (2 Ne. 32:5)
to achieve an eternal marriage pleasing to the Lord. Under the
influence of the Spirit, our sympathy and love for our eternal
companions will deepen, and we will come to know a happiness and
contentment in marriage that the world will never know." (A Union of Love and Understanding, Elder Marlin K. Jensen). I've been kind of discouraged lately about relationships. I feel like the world is so confused as to what a good relationship is, and it's getting me slightly confused. But I love this quote by Elder Hafen:
"For all that I have said by way of warning about the social conditions of the day or the limits we must place on ourselves, I'd like you to remember that the teachings of the gospel about romantic love are full of hope and peace and joy of the most uplifting and everlasting kind. I testify to you with all my heart that the commandments of God are designed for our ultimate happiness, and that being sweethearts in the way the Lord intended it is worth waiting for" (Elder Bruce C Hafen, The Gospel and Romantic Love).
Anyway, what are your thoughts? Obviously there is 'romantic love' and it is very important. It seems like it is the thing that differentiates between the multitude of good righteous people that you could marry. Is that just left up to chance, though, or is it something we can control? How did/do you know that you love someone? What helped you see that you loved someone enough to marry them? How did you make that decision?
1 comment:
Cool post. Interesting questions -- some that I've been wondering the answer to as well. I think forgiveness and time have a lot to do with my perception of "love." But I really like how you separated the love the Church often speaks of and the love associated with attraction. They are connected in many ways, but like you said, the later seems far more out of our control. May I suggest a couple of interesting books: C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves & Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages. Lewis separates love into four categories, one of which deals with romantic love. Chapman gives some good ideas of how to recognize how you feel love and how you grew up helped to educate your perception of love. Would really like to know what you discover as you research this topic (amidst all your nursing classes).
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