Who I Am

I'm going to give you two descriptions:

I know a girl at BYU. She has long, pretty, blonde hair and really pretty light blue eyes. She can sing, play the piano and violin, and sometimes fiddles around with other instruments. She has a very wide interest in a lot of things. She can cook. She likes to sew. She is very compassionate and always tries to help others be happy. She loves music, games, sports, and doing stuff outside. She is well rounded. She likes politics. She goes on lots of dates. Someone said of her: "she's the most cultured person I know." Even her brothers think she's funny, smart, and attractive. She's always trying to do what's best and is really willing to serve others.

Now this description:
I know a girl who is shy and can be really awkward in social situations. She is pretty, but nothing striking. She wears medium cute clothes, but doesn't have very many. She isn't amazing at anything, just med on a few things and a beginner on most. She's always stressed and sometimes complains a lot. She doesn't get the best grades (in fact, lots of times they're pretty bad) and is definitely not the smartest. She is not funny at all. She is pretty weird and has strange ideas and opinions but never knows enough to make a valid argument. She has a super hard time making decisions and is constantly worried that she needs to change something in her life.

K, you probably already guessed, but this is the same girl! In fact, it's me. (I will never again give myself so much praise, that first paragraph was ridiculously hard to write and the second one too easy...). But this sort of thing has been on my mind a lot lately, thinking about what I feel has become a plague among a lot of people, especially girls. It is this obsession of worrying what other people think of them, their social capabilities, their talents, their physical appearance, their dress, etc. etc. etc. I have totally succumbed to this. And I am trying and trying to get out of it. I was complaining about my lack of ability, my weirdness, to my brother and he basically gave me a pep talk in which he told me everything I wrote in that first paragraph. But then he said, "you are what you think you are. You're a cool girl, you just need to think that you are." At my complaint that that seems so cocky he said "no, not at all. If you want to be an instrument in God's hands you need to be confident and be able to talk to other people and not be so shy. You want to be a person that makes other people happy, makes them want to be around you." He talked to me for a long time and it was so nice! But the confidence only stayed for a while.

I think the real problem is the whole idea I have about needing to fit into the social norm, to be what others have defined as "cool." Because I DON'T! I never will fit in with the current standard. I never will have the skinniest legs, the tannest skin, the most beautiful hair, the hottest body, or the cutest clothes. Ever. Nor do I want to be continually trying for that. I am an individual who has a completely unique personality. I can think for myself and come up with creative ideas. I enjoy a lot of things and have passion for a lot of subjects. But most importantly, I am a daughter of God. Yep, that means I am a princess, with the potential to become a Queen. I have a divine Father. That's pretty amazing. And no one in the whole world can claim anything better than that. We're all 100% equal on that point.

So I'm working on this, being confident with who I am, even with all my weird quirks. Not everyone has to love me (hopefully no one hates me) and that's totally fine. Because I don't love everyone else either. And I'm okay with that (I mean, I am working on having charity, which is love, for everyone, but I don't love everyone's personalities).

So, my goal for the rest of  my life: be confident in who YOU are! Be happy that you're different! Be grateful that you are unique! And don't worry what some boys think of you, because you don't base your perception of you on what you think other people think.

Oh, and I love this song by Jessica Andrews: 

Ok, this music video is really weird. But just listen to the song ;) 

p.s. I even started a goal with a good friend to do at least one thing that is me every week--not to just come up with something and go do it, but to not be afraid to be you in at least one situation--voice an opinion, even if you're the only one who believes that, do something you think is fun, even if it may seem weird, etc. And do it with confidence! :)