For the past couple of weeks, especially during finals and after, I have been reminded again and again of my many flaws. Or I discover new ones. It has been such a strange feeling. However, instead taking this as an opportunity for growth like I should, it has almost paralyzed me. I have grown very afraid of not being able to do it. Of not keeping up. Of not having an amazing scripture study every night. Of learning something I need to fix in my life but not being able to fix it because I have so many other things to work on.
This is a problem. It is definitely not helping me with my mission preparation. Nor my temple preparation. Nor my confidence. I have felt so very weak and vulnerable, almost more so than I have felt before. It has made me afraid to set goals!
I know this feeling is not from God. So. I'm going to refuse to be okay with it. I know I have weaknesses, I know I have flaws, but I should use that knowledge to pray for guidance in how to overcome those. Not throw my hands up in despair because there are just too many things to work on.
I am going to do that by setting some goals:
-Finish Preach My Gospel before I leave on my mission.
-Finish the New Testament before Christmas.
-Study the Book of Mormon for 30 minutes every day.
-Attend the temple every week.
-Figure out a reasonable goal for the Old Testament :)
-Pray for service opportunities on a daily basis.
I think that gives me enough to work on for now...
I need to remember this:
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
Philippians 4:13.
1 comment:
Several years ago Jim shared with me a scriptural insight about weaknesses that encouraged me about my own weaknesses. In Ether 12:27 we read that Christ gives us weaknesses to humble us and that He can make our weak things (weaknesses) become strong unto us. He doesn't say that he will take away those weaknesses, but instead will make them strong. Stronger weaknesses? What? Jim shared with me that are weaknesses can be our strengths and our strengths can also be our weaknesses.
I really believe it. For example, the weakness of worrying too much of what others think of us can be transformed to a strength when used in being more aware of others and their feelings and how our actions affect that. The strength of discernment can quickly become a weakness when used to judge others harshly and elevate one's own self-righteousness.
I am learning to not despise my weaknesses, but instead see what about them can be strengths in the making. Don't get discouraged, Bekah. You're a strong woman whose weaknesses have yet to manifest themselves as the strengths they can one day be.
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